The Social Work Concierge, LLC

When someone disrespects you, it can trigger a strong stress response—especially if it touches on deeper experiences of injustice, past trauma, or personal boundaries. Calming down in that moment (or shortly after) is about regaining control of your mind and body so you can respond intentionally instead of reactively.

1. Pause & Breathe

Why it works: Disrespect often triggers the “fight or flight” stress response, which floods your body with adrenaline. How to do it: Use a slow breathing pattern like 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8) or box breathing (4 in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold). Focus on exhaling longer than you inhale to activate your parasympathetic nervous system.

2. Ground Yourself in the Present

Why it works: Disrespect can cause your mind to replay the insult or jump to worst-case scenarios. Grounding interrupts that loop. How to do it: Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste. Keep a grounding object (stone, pen, bracelet) to hold when you feel triggered.

3. Name the Feeling, Not Just the Event

Why it works: Naming emotions helps the brain regulate them (“name it to tame it”). How to do it: Say to yourself: “I feel disrespected, hurt, and angry right now.” Avoid judgmental self-talk (“I shouldn’t feel this way”); instead, acknowledge your emotional reality.

4. Remind Yourself of the Bigger Picture

Why it works: Perspective-taking reduces the personal sting and helps you act according to your values. How to do it: Ask: “Will this matter in 24 hours? A week? A year?” Remind yourself that disrespect says more about the other person than about you.

5. Release the Energy Safely

Why it works: Anger and hurt create physical tension that needs an outlet. How to do it: Go for a brisk walk, punch a pillow, dance to loud music, or do 10 pushups. Avoid outlets that escalate the situation (e.g., firing off an angry text).

6. Choose Your Next Step

Why it works: Responding intentionally protects your dignity and relationships. How to do it: Decide if the disrespect requires an immediate boundary (“I’m not okay with that”) or a delayed conversation when emotions are cooler. Sometimes the best boundary is walking away.

7. Use Self-Compassion

Why it works: Disrespect can make you question your worth. How to do it: Say to yourself: “That hurt, and it’s okay that I feel this way. I deserve respect.” Engage in a calming ritual (tea, prayer, journaling) that reinforces your self-worth.

Struggling to control your anger? The Social Work Concierge, LLC offers compassionate, personalized support to help you manage your emotions and reclaim your peace. 📞 Call/Text (616) 345-0616 or Email 📧 leonica@socialworkconcierge.com to start today.